Here & Now

 Following the events that have happened in just the past few months, I've learned one very important lesson:

Life is way too short to not listen to our hearts and trust in what we're feeling on the inside.

With that in mind, I say this:

I am completely, and utterly, head-over-heels in love with someone that I haven't even met in person yet.

Does that sound crazy to you?

Hear me out...

This isn't just some 12-year-old middle school crush. I am a 24-year-old grown ass woman and I don't want to waste precious time second-guessing or suppressing these feelings because of small-minded opinions like "it hasn't been long enough" or "you're so young, you don't know what love is."

Some people are together for 10 years before they get married, while others have known each other 10 weeks when they decide to make it "forever." Why is one more valid than the other? There's no written time frame for falling in love with someone. It's not something that can be planned or marked in a calendar. There's a saying that goes "when you know, you know" and that's the type of mentality I always attributed to falling in love, because you can read all of the books, watch all of the movies, listen to all of the songs about love, but none of those things can truly prepare you for it until you've experienced it for yourself.

I always believed that I'd know when I found the right person. I was always told to stop romanticizing it because it would only lead to disappointment and heartbreak. But, I stood my ground on my values and high expectations, and I waited. Patiently...mostly. I held out for the moment where I would meet someone and suddenly, as if the universe had been orchestrating it since the dawn of time, everything would click into place, and my god was it worth the wait.

I don't know what the future holds--let alone the next 24 hours--but I do know what I feel in this very moment, in the here-and-now, and that's enough for me.

That's enough.

(b.m.)

Clouded Mind

    The sky,
releasing its drowning cry,
transforms the world into a
maddening sigh.

    The rain,
plummeting with disdain,
fights the fall but descends
in vain.

    The trees,
swaying from the torrid breeze,
shiver and pray for the slightest
of ease.

    My mind,
thinking of thoughts unkind,
wishes for better words to
be rhymed.

(b.m.)

Crash

Our faces are inches apart,
The air between us erotic.
Beating loudly is my heart,
Your steady breathing hypnotic.

The seconds feel like years,
Time is all but frozen.
Forgotten are my fears,
As I live in this moment.

What will your lips feel like,
Crashing against mine?
What will your tongue taste like,
When ours intertwine?

The outside world fades away,
And there's no one but you and me.
Desperate for that sweet foreplay,
I forgo myself completely.

(b.m.)

Wildflowers

There once was a young girl whose spirit

glowed with an unwavering passion and zest 

for life. As the years went by, there came

others who envied her exuberance and, unable

to accept their lack thereof, sought to dull her

luminance. One by one, they planted a seed

within her mind, each taking root between the

folds of her brain and germinating as destructive

thoughts. As time passed by, they leeched

away her liveliness and threatened to replace

anything worth living for. Until one day,

as if the clouds had parted for the first time in

years, she was reminded of how much power

lightness held. And in that moment, the seeds

that were once nothing more than malignant

weeds, suddenly transformed into wildflowers.

Hues of gold and violet and emerald blossomed

from within her mind. No longer was she trapped

within the confines of darkness. No longer would

she allow others to shade her brilliance because of

their insecurities.

And just like that,

she was free.

(b.m.)

Celestial

A star doesn't need validation from others in order to shine,

and neither do you, my dear.

Neither do you.

(b.m.)

Closed Windows

I'm 10.

It's a warm summer's day. So much brightness. 

I'm riding in the back seat of the car as mom and dad

happily hum to whatever's playing on the radio, 

with my brother next to me excitedly yelling at his 

Nintendo DS, dramatically waving his fists to the sky

in frustration. The windows are all rolled down,

filling the car with the smell of freshly cut grass.

My eyes are closed, head leaned to the side, letting

the warmth of the sun kiss my face while the

gentle breeze caresses it. I let my arm hang out of

the window, my hand floating in the air like a surfer 

on calm waters.

Peaceful. 

I'm 22.

It's an overcast summer's day. So much humidity.

I'm riding in the passenger seat of the car as my mom

drives in silence, apart from the humming of the air

conditioning. She has a headache. My brother is in the

back seat, body hunched over, face buried in his phone.

Mindlessly scrolling. The windows are all up, and all I

can smell is the stench of a road-killed skunk seeping

through the vents. My tired eyes fight to stay open as my

head slumps back onto the headrest. Dark shaded

glasses conceal my face. Hands restlessly fidgeting

in my lap.

Anxious.

And I was so quick to grow up.

(b.m.)

Fly Flying

I was watching a fly flying,

Listening to its buzzing buzz.

How quaint I thought this little fly,

How loudly I heard it buzzing by.

Wishing this fly would fly away.

Wishing this day would die away.

Suddenly the fly stopped flying,

And the buzz stopped buzzing.

I looked up and down,

I looked all around.

Until I noticed a peculiar plant,

Planted on the table’s top.

In this plant the fly was trying,

Trying, but failing at flying. 

Lured, it was, by a sticky fuzz,

And never again will it loudly buzz.

How silly I thought this little fly,

How sad I felt to say goodbye.

I wished that this fly would fly away,

And that this day would die away.

But now the fly is dying away, 

 And the day's no sooner flying away.

Now, like the fly, my thoughts too decay.

Now I’m wishing a fly would fly my way.

(b.m.)

Shadowed Identity

How did I get here, 

in this place so void of hope and joy? 

What once was light is now dark 

and all I can see is pain as stark as the stars 

in the night's sky. 

The fatigue plaguing my bones is what this illness does, 

making everything feel like this hazy fuzz and

I'm nothing but a shadow of what I once

was.

The magic blue pills that my doctor prescribed 

are supposed to help with this pain I've described

but it's hard to fix what's buried so very deep 

inside.

So please, try to understand that when you tell me

"it's all in your head" as if that's the answer to 

all of this dread, that I want nothing more

than to be dead because I would be rich if I got a

penny for every time I have ever heard that said.

(b.m.)

Riptide

It's something o'clock in the morning on

someday of the week. The softest light is 

peeking through the window, having just started to

stretch its rays and touch the earth.

The birds haven't quite woken from their slumbers just yet,

apart from a few lazily singing out their morning tune,

sounding as if they're saying "just five more minutes."

The only other sound is the rhythmic breathing of

someone in a deliciously peaceful sleep lying next to me,

buried in a sea of my soft white comforter.

The light has now started to stretch its fingers across the bed,

tenderly caressing her face and illuminating a

treasure trove of beauty. No sunrise in the world could

convince me of a more breathtaking view than 

the one here in my bed. 

Laying on my side so we're face-to-face,

I reach my hand out to gently touch her cheek,

enamored by the soft rosy hue and 

carefully arranged freckles.

Then, with a deep, life-giving breath in through her nose,

the most heavenly smile appeared beneath my fingers.

First one, then two, sleepy eyelids slowly lifted

to reveal oceans of blue whose rip currents

pulled me in with the promise of never longing for land

again.

And I surrendered to it. Completely.

(b.m.)

Unbreakable

You surveyed my body like you were
window shopping, deciding if what you saw
was appealing enough to come inside.
Thinking you could provide what I needed
supplied just by looking on the outside?

No.

Your mistake was confusing my glass exterior
with me being inferior and thinking you
could ever be superior.

There have been others that thought they
could break me too. Thought they could
shatter me with a brick and rob me of
everything I have.

How cute.

I've withstood the strongest of storms and
have yet to crack, because I 
am fucking bulletproof, and you are about
as dangerous as a water gun.

So let me be transparently clear:

You. Don't. Have. A. Chance.
So do us all a favor, and keep your
dick in your pants.

(b.m.)