you had become a ghost,
a distant memory, slightly faded,
the words written in my journal.
i remember the night i told you goodbye.
when i yelled and screamed,
and promised that was the end of it.
the nights that followed were cold.
too empty in the darkness, too alone,
the silence echoed. the tears whispered.
i learned to hear your name without crying.
learned to smile at other men again.
no longer searching for your face in theirs.
then i ran into you on the street one day and
everything came pouring back. i hid it quite well
behind the smile i had practiced.
your smile. that smile that shook the ground
i stood on. the smile that i fell in love with.
the one i tried so hard to forget.
i'd never felt love like what i had with you.
it was indescribable. my heart ached from
how hard it beat for you every day.
i was a forest and you were a god damn match.
carved from the same tree but you burned like hell
and i was flammable.
you were ignited by our love. i was struck by
the beauty and danger and raw power of your flame.
until one day it burned out.
and all that was left were ashes. dust left over from a
wildfire. beneath, the embers still glowed with
an unwavering passion.
i almost lost it. i almost broke like that god awful day.
all of the pieces i glued back together,
threatening to fall apart.
but i didn't. we talked. mindless chit chat about
how we've been. formalities. and then we parted.
yet another goodbye.
i was left standing there in the street. processing.
was he as broken as i was before?
was he glued together like me?
i like to think so. that's the thing about love.
it's excruciating. when you have it and after it's gone.
a blessing and a curse.
but it stays with us until we die.
a score made on our hearts like tattoos of the past.
they fade but never truly go away.
we might have gone our separate ways,
but we'll always have that. the love we shared.
the kind they write books after.
so once again you're a ghost,
a distant memory, slightly faded,
the words written in this poem.
always there, forever.
-b.m.
