Jealousy is an ugly trait.
Love those around you, and above all,
love yourself.

Sorry Not Sorry

Happy Sunday Moths!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I want to talk about the word "sorry" today. We all know those people that say sorry about e v e r y t h i n g. Somebody runs into them..."sorry." They sneeze during class..."sorry." They even say it to their dog if they accidentally step on them..."sorry."

(okay, that last one was about me..)

Whether you say it a lot yourself, or you know someone that does, do you realize how quickly you say--or the person you know says--it to other people? I know for me, I just blurt it out habitually, the same way people say "bless you" when someone sneezes. What I want to stress is how easily it is to say it to other people: why don't we ever say it to ourselves? 

Huh??

I know, that sounds crazy, why would we say sorry to ourself? We don't realize how much pressure we put onto ourselves in every day life. In today's world, there are so many objects/people screaming in our ears--through social media, television, and even friends/family--to do things a certain way: join this gym and get your "summer" body; use this toothpaste and get a whiter smile; wear this to look more attractive. All of these swim around in the back of our minds without us realizing because they are being imprinted on us, whether we acknowledge them or not. In turn, we begin to say critical things to ourselves as a reflection of what we hear every day: why did you eat that, you're going to gain weight; I didn't work out today, I hate myself; I wish my clothes/hair/smile/body looked like that; I need to do better, be better. These thoughts pile up and Up and UP until they flood the brain, leaving no air for positivity. Expectations conflicting with reality only creates pain and disappointment (take it from me).  You simply cannot be someone you are not, and "hoping" or "wishing" gets you nowhere, but you can set obtainable goals and work towards them. This is your life and you have control of it, no matter how uncontrollable it may feel at times. Don't be jealous of others, or feel belittled by them, or let them dictate how you should look/act/live. It's just a waste of time. 

So, back to the word "sorry." 

Leave the "sorry" 's for the times you really screw up something, or actually hurt someone, and take it out of your every day list of vocabulary. Instead of saying it to others, say it to yourself whenever a negative thought pops up in your head. You are going to feel so silly, but stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes*, and say--either in your head, or out loud if you want to feel extra crazy--I'm sorry. This is going to feel weird at first, but we need to get as comfortable with saying it to ourselves as we are saying it to other people. It's okay to laugh or blush, but repeat it several times--I'm sorry I said those hurtful things about myself; I'm sorry I wished I was someone else; I'm sorry I didn't treat you (your body) with kindness. You have to love yourself, I cannot say this enough. Don't rely on an external source to tell you you're beautiful or special or worth it. Tell yourself. Be independent. Because at the end of the day it's just you inside of that head of yours, telling you how you feel about yourself. 

*a small note: staring into your own eyes is one of the most vulnerable, personal things you can do. It sounds stupid, but have you ever actually looked at yourself in the mirror? Not at all of the "imperfections" of your body, but you as a whole? If you're like me, you look into the mirror and see the stretch marks and jiggly parts and cellulite. Focusing on these things are an absolute waste of time because they don't show the soul inside. I did this little exercise, staring into my own eyes, for a couple of minutes the other day and started crying because of how exposed it made me feel. If you don't believe me, try it for yourself.

Here's my challenge to you for the week ahead:

1. Catch yourself when you say "sorry" to someone and mentally take note of why you said it

2. If it wasn't for something you were seriously sorry for, STOP SAYING IT

3. Throughout the week, jot down any negative/hurtful thoughts you say to yourself

4. At the end of the week, look yourself in the mirror and say "sorry I thought...(step 3 notes)"

5. Set aside some "me" time in your busy schedule, where you won't be interrupted, and look into your own eyes in the mirror. Let yourself in and let go of the bad thoughts. 

Fly freely, moths. xoxo

Eternal

i believe that this body, 

this life,

is just part of a collection.

for deep within my heart,

my soul,

lives no hint of objection.  

how could so much learning,

so much living,

be achieved in one lifetime?

for years pass by in a blink,

a second,

as permanent as sunshine.

the artists and the architects,

the poets,

never cease to endeavor. 

for masterpieces and monuments,

and poems,

will live to see forever. 

if you or i can make something

everlasting,

something eternal,

then you and i are too, everlasting.

you and i are too, eternal. 

-b.m.

Simply Pure

Hello moths!

I took this picture about two months back, and every time I look at it, I relive the emotions I felt when first encountered it. I know, that sounds silly but I have this deep connection with nature, and I believe that this leaf is a metaphor for something really special. Now I know what you're thinking:

It's a dead leaf Bri...

Just take a closer look, what do you see?

.

.

.

.

. 

Still don't see it? (fine, I'll tell you) 

Directly in the center is a perfectly shaped heart--see it now?? How adorable is that? I'm a pretty vigilant person, so as I'm walking to class all of a sudden this little dead leaf stopped me *dead* in my tracks and made me back up to take a closer look. I was so in awe of this perfect heart being in the middle of this leaf on the sidewalk. Now I know plants/leaves/dead leaves don't have feelings (I'm not that crazy) but it almost gives you a sense of how precious life is. We, as humans, coexist with so many other things on this planet, from animals to trees to the smallest flowers. Together we are whole. One day, we will all die (a simple fact of life) because, well, that's the circle of life. Organisms are born, they live, and they return back to the earth in death. It's actually a really beautiful concept the way we once again become a part of that which we originated. That's another thing to point out: our culture in America is one that absolutely fears death and generally avoids discussing it, from the way we bury the dead in coffins that are hidden underground, to the way the media never shows funerals or related images. In the bible (not getting too religious here) bodies of the dead were exhibited on open tables where loved ones and those around them could view the deceased with respect and clarity. It wasn't a scary or disgusting thing, it was a part of the culture of that time because death was universally accepted (that, and the bible ensured those who repented their sins and lived an honest life had no reason to fear dying). Whether you are a religious person or not, it is a beautiful concept. Death is such a feared thing today that we sometimes divert our attention away from life and focus on what will happen once it comes to an end. Live the best life you can and take the most out of it: if this one life is all we get, then you better be damn sure you live it to the fullest. Otherwise, be a kind and compassionate human being and you will be rewarded for it in the end, simple as that. It's a little something to think about. 

Anyway, the thing I was getting at with the leaf is that yes, it is a dead leaf, but even in death it has this little beautiful image within it--in the shape of a heart. This dead leaf had the power to make me, a human being, stop and take a second look at it. How amazing is that? I think it's important to really connect to our surroundings and have love and respect for every single element that exists around us. We are often times a selfish species, believing we are at the top of this "pyramid," but simply being able to reason or converse does not make us pure. A human woman nursing her newborn baby is no more pure than a gorilla doing the same for hers. We are simply a reflection of the environment around us (one of which we have manipulated and exploited, leading to the misdirection of human nature). Who is to say we are the highest power? Nature is constantly retaliating, showing her supernatural powers in the form of hurricanes or tornadoes, things that are uncontrollable and exposes the vulnerability of the human condition. The bottom line is that this dead leaf represents the purity of nature. Nature does not think ill of others, does not judge, does not seek material things: it simply is. What's more beautiful than that (besides you, of course..)?

Let's aspire to be as pure as the nature that surrounds us: that is my challenge to you. 

Happy living, moths. xoxo

Infinite Fantasy

Good Evening Beautiful Moths!

I want to talk about something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I'm taking a philosophy course at my college--Rutgers University--and I know a lot of people think philosophy is a waste of time, that you don't actually learn anything from it..but I disagree, and I'll get to telling you why in a minute. It's important to note the structure of the class first: there's no homework, no in-class assignments, no powerpoint slides, and our two exams throughout the semester are open-book, open-note exams. I know what you're thinking:

What is the point of the class?? 

An aside for a moment:

It's my personal belief that education in this decade has shifted from teaching students to become better people, to teaching them how to become better test-takers. Education is meant to nourish a growing mind to create a foundation for building a well-rounded citizen of the human race. We won't have to take tests outside of school or copy down words on a powerpoint slide. We'll have to interact with other people, making intelligible decisions in a multitude of unpredictable situations and acting upon those decisions. Of course tests are designed to "test" our knowledge on the topic at hand, and I am not saying they should be banished, but they should not be the center of education. Understanding the information and using that information in the real world--rather than just memorizing it and then completely forgetting about it--should be of the utmost importance..

Back to my philosophy class: *phew*

What does all of that have to do with my philosophy class, and in turn, what does that have to do with what I've been thinking about lately? To the first part of that question: The point I was making with the structure of the class is that it is meant to divert our attention to critically thinking about what we discuss in class, rather than worrying about what to study or what we'll have to remember for an exam (no, this does not mean we won't actually learn anything--for those taking the class seriously, that is). There's technically no right or wrong answers to what we discuss in philosophy, it's more about rationalizing ideas and using reasoning to explain certain concepts. What's so great about the concepts we cover is that they are universal and can be used to support any number of ideas or tools of persuasion. Now I know at this point you've been dying to ask:

What have you been thinking about so much lately Bri??? 

*Warning: the following requires the use of your brain and some mind-blowing concepts, proceed with caution:

Since you begged, I'll tell you! One of the concepts we discussed in this philosophy class is the idea of infinity (crazy, right?) In nature, there are natural numbers (0,1,2,3...) and real numbers (1/2,1/4,1/8...) that each go on infinitely. Between each natural number--for example between 1 and 2--there are an infinite number of real numbers, meaning there is no least or greatest number that is between 1 and 2. So not only do the numbers increase infinitely, they also contain infinite numbers between them (whaaaaaat?) Don't worry, I'm not testing you on this, so stay with me. Now, if there are an infinite number of numbers, with any given one number there are an infinite number of quantities less than and greater than that number. Meaning there is no smallest or biggest number in the whole universe, since it extends both ways infinitely. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN???? 

The same can be said for every person in the human race. *mind. blown.*

I know, it seems like a stretch, but hear me out. Just like natural and real numbers, there are an infinite number of allele (gene) combinations (genetics? gross) that are unique to every single human being on the planet (discounting identical twins of course). Just as no two fingerprints are alike, the same can be said for people (other than twins, again). So if this is true, than that means there is no least, or most, beautiful or smart or overall best human within the entire race, because there will be an infinite amount of criteria for any given characteristic. That means when you say "she's prettier than me," or "damn, he's way cooler than I am," you have no foundation to make that assumption off of. Who is to say that she's prettier or he's cooler?? Who is to say that anyone is more or less *insert adjective of your choosing* than anyone else. Who is to say a butterfly is more beautiful than a moth?? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder my friends. If anyone ever tries to tell you otherwise, just hit them with some infinity stuff and they're guaranteed to walk away with their mind B L O W N (or confused, either way it diverted them from what they said before, right?)

*Kudos to you if you've made it this far*

What to take away from this long-ish post:

1. I should probably be administered into a mental hospital...
2. The foundation of education has been lost among standardized tests and the pressure of getting that "perfect" 4.0 GPA.
3. Philosophy is a totally mind blowing topic.
4. No really, it may lead to the brain actually blowing up...
5. There is no one on this earth that is better, or worse, than you are, which makes the idea of "labeling" and "popularity" moot. 
6. You are unique in every way, and should never aspire to be someone else.
7. Seriously, kudos to you for making it this far. 

I hope someone has taken something away from the gibberish I have posted here...

Goodnight, Moths! xoxo

Concrete Message

Even the earth beneath our feet has something to offer us.
We just have to open our eyes to it.

A moth is a butterfly, too.

Sweet girl, listen to my plea:

All those things you wish to be, 

Are only things the eye can see.

Never will they set you free;

A fishing boat in an endless sea. 

Sweet girl, don't curse your skin:

I know you wish to be model thin,

To fix your smile or nose or chin. 

But not eating makes your head spin;

Hurting yourself is your greatest sin. 

Sweet girl, overcome your fears:

I know there's pressure from your peers, 

To show more skin and drink more beers.

But I promise you it's not worth the tears;

None of this will matter in twenty years.

Sweet girl, if only you knew:

So much beauty lies within you,

As well as the courage to stay true. 

Labels are just words that people spew;

After all, a moth is a butterfly, too. 


-b.m.