Meaning of Life

Welcome to September, Moths!

It has been one long heck of a summer. I wish I could say it was filled with memorable nights and drinking until the sun came up, but unfortunately the real world had me tied down to work and school. Which I'm not necessarily complaining about because I saved up money to live comfortably while I'm away at college for the next couple of months, so there are trade-offs.

Now I know you're all thinking, are you going to tell us which school you go to, or what?? Since you begged, I'll share! I will be a senior this year at Rutgers University in New Brunswick! I transferred here last year and have been so grateful for the house I was accepted into. This house, called Helyar House, is unlike any other living arrangement out there. It is a co-op/coed, fifty year establishment filled with long-lasting traditions and amazing influential people. It really is a humbling experience to work alongside 39 other people to keep a house running effectively and-for the most part-smoothly.

Part of the uniqueness of this house is that the students who live within it basically have full control with a strong sense of independence. We have an E-board consisting of a president, vice president, food coordinators, historians (one of them being me), etc. The members of this "E-board" moved in a couple of days early to acclimate to the house for the upcoming semester, consisting of some training sessions discussing things like diversity, constructive personality exercises, stress/time management, etc. At the end of one of these sessions, our residence counselor, Neha, left us this food-for-thought before heading to bed:

What are three or four things you want to be remembered for when you die?
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That escalated quickly, huh?

The context behind this is that we were discussing things about each other, such as things we feel we are oppressed by, memories we had about issues with gender/race/confrontation in the past, and things alike. The goal of all of this was to feel a deeper connection with the other members of our E-board, as well as feeling comfortable enough to share these things that may be crouching in the back of our minds. It really hit me, and as I laid in bed that night, I couldn't get my mind off of the thought. Sometimes we are sidetracked by all of the clutter in our lives. Clutter can be stress at work, worrying about if you look "too fat" in this outfit or whether or not we're having a bad hair day or worrying about posting this picture rather than the other, etc. We hang on so closely to these minuscule issues that when we are asked to take a step back from it all, it seems so utterly ridiculous that we wasted any time worrying about such things in the first place.

And by we I mean I, naturally.

So what are my three or four things? I'm going to share them with all of you lovely people:

• I want to be remembered for my smile and the way it lights up the darkest of rooms (as I have been so graciously told)
• I want to be remembered for having a kind and compassionate nature towards others
• I want to be remembered for my unwavering passion for wildlife, and things alike 
• I want to be remembered for my infectious, side-hurts-so-bad, only-stopping-to-gasp-for-air, kind of laugh
• And above all, I want to be remembered for all of the happiness I've brought into other people's lives

Let me be clear: I'm planning on my death being a veeeeeeeeeeeeery long time from now, and this is just an exercise to gain a perspective on life. 

Neha also said that if there ever comes a time in our lives where we are at a crossroads, or are going through a difficult situation in which life seems impossibly overwhelming, that we ought to utilize and retouch on these in order to reorientate our souls with our meaning of life. In other words, to take a step back from the magnifying glass we look through every day. No one is going to remember that huge pimple you had during the tenth grade that you ogled over all day, or that one time your belly rolls showed when your crop top was a little too cropped. None of these things will matter once we've departed from this physical world. It's how you chose to live your life, and how you treated people along the way, that matters.

I urge anyone reading this to take a few minutes to yourself in a quiet and secluded place to think about, and write down, what it is you wish to be remembered by when you die. Don't treat this as a morbid exercise, but rather your own guide from which to touch base with your core/soul. Write them down and store them somewhere you can access, somewhere it can remembered when you need it the most. These are for you and no one else, so really dig deep. 

What are you living for, moths? xoxo 

Take a second to reflect on the day you've had
and use it as a learning experience for
the days ahead.
Love the person that is you. 

Jealousy is an ugly trait.
Love those around you, and above all,
love yourself.

Sorry Not Sorry

Happy Sunday Moths!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I want to talk about the word "sorry" today. We all know those people that say sorry about e v e r y t h i n g. Somebody runs into them..."sorry." They sneeze during class..."sorry." They even say it to their dog if they accidentally step on them..."sorry."

(okay, that last one was about me..)

Whether you say it a lot yourself, or you know someone that does, do you realize how quickly you say--or the person you know says--it to other people? I know for me, I just blurt it out habitually, the same way people say "bless you" when someone sneezes. What I want to stress is how easily it is to say it to other people: why don't we ever say it to ourselves? 

Huh??

I know, that sounds crazy, why would we say sorry to ourself? We don't realize how much pressure we put onto ourselves in every day life. In today's world, there are so many objects/people screaming in our ears--through social media, television, and even friends/family--to do things a certain way: join this gym and get your "summer" body; use this toothpaste and get a whiter smile; wear this to look more attractive. All of these swim around in the back of our minds without us realizing because they are being imprinted on us, whether we acknowledge them or not. In turn, we begin to say critical things to ourselves as a reflection of what we hear every day: why did you eat that, you're going to gain weight; I didn't work out today, I hate myself; I wish my clothes/hair/smile/body looked like that; I need to do better, be better. These thoughts pile up and Up and UP until they flood the brain, leaving no air for positivity. Expectations conflicting with reality only creates pain and disappointment (take it from me).  You simply cannot be someone you are not, and "hoping" or "wishing" gets you nowhere, but you can set obtainable goals and work towards them. This is your life and you have control of it, no matter how uncontrollable it may feel at times. Don't be jealous of others, or feel belittled by them, or let them dictate how you should look/act/live. It's just a waste of time. 

So, back to the word "sorry." 

Leave the "sorry" 's for the times you really screw up something, or actually hurt someone, and take it out of your every day list of vocabulary. Instead of saying it to others, say it to yourself whenever a negative thought pops up in your head. You are going to feel so silly, but stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes*, and say--either in your head, or out loud if you want to feel extra crazy--I'm sorry. This is going to feel weird at first, but we need to get as comfortable with saying it to ourselves as we are saying it to other people. It's okay to laugh or blush, but repeat it several times--I'm sorry I said those hurtful things about myself; I'm sorry I wished I was someone else; I'm sorry I didn't treat you (your body) with kindness. You have to love yourself, I cannot say this enough. Don't rely on an external source to tell you you're beautiful or special or worth it. Tell yourself. Be independent. Because at the end of the day it's just you inside of that head of yours, telling you how you feel about yourself. 

*a small note: staring into your own eyes is one of the most vulnerable, personal things you can do. It sounds stupid, but have you ever actually looked at yourself in the mirror? Not at all of the "imperfections" of your body, but you as a whole? If you're like me, you look into the mirror and see the stretch marks and jiggly parts and cellulite. Focusing on these things are an absolute waste of time because they don't show the soul inside. I did this little exercise, staring into my own eyes, for a couple of minutes the other day and started crying because of how exposed it made me feel. If you don't believe me, try it for yourself.

Here's my challenge to you for the week ahead:

1. Catch yourself when you say "sorry" to someone and mentally take note of why you said it

2. If it wasn't for something you were seriously sorry for, STOP SAYING IT

3. Throughout the week, jot down any negative/hurtful thoughts you say to yourself

4. At the end of the week, look yourself in the mirror and say "sorry I thought...(step 3 notes)"

5. Set aside some "me" time in your busy schedule, where you won't be interrupted, and look into your own eyes in the mirror. Let yourself in and let go of the bad thoughts. 

Fly freely, moths. xoxo

A moth is a butterfly, too.

Sweet girl, listen to my plea:

All those things you wish to be, 

Are only things the eye can see.

Never will they set you free;

A fishing boat in an endless sea. 

Sweet girl, don't curse your skin:

I know you wish to be model thin,

To fix your smile or nose or chin. 

But not eating makes your head spin;

Hurting yourself is your greatest sin. 

Sweet girl, overcome your fears:

I know there's pressure from your peers, 

To show more skin and drink more beers.

But I promise you it's not worth the tears;

None of this will matter in twenty years.

Sweet girl, if only you knew:

So much beauty lies within you,

As well as the courage to stay true. 

Labels are just words that people spew;

After all, a moth is a butterfly, too. 


-b.m.